I found a letter to myself today, folded and wedged into my notebook as I was studying for my finals:
Life is beautiful. There is no reason to get overwhelmed. Do you not remember last may when you figured out what really matters? Work is temporary, school is temporary, personal drama is temporary. Don’t take yourself too seriously. You get attached to a happy feeling and fight unhappy feelings to the bitter end. Sometimes things don’t feel good, that’s a part of life. We have emotions and we make mistakes and we feel out of sorts, but it’s all temporary. You have to accept the things that are hard to accept, like the fact that love is sometimes pain and that it’s compromise. The fact that you need to sit with emotions and let them wash over you, you can’t just drug them away. The fact that conflict is a part of life and you’re not going to please everyone, and that your self worth shouldn’t derive from that or any other arbitrary thing like if your boyfriend texts you enough or if you can stand up to someone without your voice shaking. Life can be challenging, but life is beautiful.
The words fit perfectly into a crack that was forming in my foundation. It seems I had forgotten again and gotten caught up in everyday stresses. No doubt helped along by another bout of low iron. I had told myself that after my big race I would find balance, but instead I’ve worked myself up into a lather over things that aren’t going to matter in 3 weeks let alone 3 months.
Thank you, past me…